Sabtu, 27 April 2013

saya

Dulu saya masih "saya". 

puluh ribuan siang dan malam terlewati

ratusan orang saya jumpai

beberapa singgah di hati, walau hanya sesaat, namun menciptakan cerita

manusia, buku, film, gambar, lagu, musik, ...

mereka mulai mengubah "saya"

Saya ingin bertahan dan tetap menjadi "saya".

namun, saya tidak cukup kuat

ingin menjadi seperti yang mereka inginkan atau

diam-diam saya memang ingin meninggalkan ke"saya"annya

dan "saya"pun berubah

saya menjadi "aku"

Aku dan ke"aku"annya

"saya" sudah hilang

Aku semakin merasa hebat dan kuat dan angkuh

Aku bisa hidup dan bertahan tanpa "saya"

Aku lari dan terbang tanpa arah.

dan,

sekarang aku menjadi "gue"

Gue, bodoh karena merasa pintar

dan lelah tanpa sebab.

Sekilas "saya" melintas di balik jendela kaca

mengingatkan apalah "aku" atau "gue" tanpa adanya "saya"

Gue ingin kembali

ke masa gue masih seorang "saya"

Bukan ke fisiknya, melainkan ke prinsip ke"saya"annya

Susah ternyata..

memang iya.

tapi gue harus mencoba karena gue tidak perlu mencari-cari lagi

"saya" tidak dimana-mana melainkan dalam "gue"

hanya perlu menggali lebih dalam.

saat "gue" telah kembali ke "saya"

maka tidak ada yang perlu ditakuti.


jangan manja

Jadi, ceritanya begini...

Sudah sebulanan ini kakak gue bekerja di sebuah rumah sakit. Jarak rumah sakit dan rumah tidak terlalu jauh, harga naik ojek sekitar Rp.6000,-. Jadwal kerja dia terbagi menjadi tiga shift, 07.00-14.00, 14.00-21.00 dan 21.00-07.00. Berkaitan dengan uang, daripada buang-buang uang untuk bayar ojek lebih baik gue atau sepupu gue aja yang jemput. Gue sih iya-iya aja. Lumayan, hemat uang dan gue juga ada waktu. Lebih baik digunakan untk menolong kakak daripada ga ngapa-ngapai kan???

Awalnya semua baik-baik saja. Tidak ada masalah (karena sepupu gue masih libur sekolah, jadi dia yg lebih banyak jemput. PANTESAN!!!) Masalah baru muncul akhir-akhir ini. Dia mengirim SMS biar gue jemput. Oke, gue segera meluncur dong. Gue tinggalin semua kerjaan karena gue pikir dia mungkin lelah dan kalau masih harus nunggu gue. Wuih, bisa keluar api dari telinga karena kesel.

Akan tetapi, yang terjadi justru sebaliknya. GUE YANG NUNGGUIN DIA!! 15 menit bahkan lebih. Gue kesal dong ya. Sial, gue usahain cepat, dia bukannya nungguin di depan rumah sakit gitu. Pas gue tanyain dia cuma bilang,"Ngapain nungguin di luar, dilihatin orang. malu!" Gue kesal banget. Dia lanjutin,"Kalau ga mau jemput bilang aja. Gue bisa naik ojek". Fixed, gue marah!
Tapi gue cuma bilang,"jangan manja".

jangan manja!!!

Kamis, 25 April 2013

bernad, he's my brother.

So, this story is about my brother. 

Today, he just passed all the selection phases to become an army. Tomorrow he will move to Padang and will study there for, I don't know for how long.

It's not easy. I may say, It's really difficult!! I saw how hard he tried, from one test to another test. There were a lot of tests. He failed 3 times. 3 TIMES!!! I remember at the time, after 3 times failures, he started to give up. Almost gave up. He cried when mom asked him to try for the last. I mean, the fourth. He said, "I don't want it anymore. I am so tired of the fucking tests. I want to do something else. I will wait a few months to enter university. I wanna go to college. No more army things!!"

Mom didn't give up. She said,  after this last one, all is up to him. He could do everything he wanted to do. Mom would just agree *with terms and conditions*.

So, he tried it. For mom, of course. And today he did it. His motivation was only mom. But I know, as the time goes by, in his deepest hard, he truly want this and he will do best to finish this.

Good luck!!!

love


Selasa, 23 April 2013

old friend

So, 
suddenly miss this old friend. 
She was a very close friend since elementary school 'til junior high school. I told her everything. Well, not every, every thing, but most of the things, yes I told her.
I remember when I slept at her room and we talked a lot. From school to boys. Friends to enemies. A to Z. 
Of course we also had a fight. Big fight. The first and the last. Caused by a small things but ended with no talked to each other for almost 6 months. SIX MONTHS??? Friendship's over??

No, not yet!!

As the time goes by, we started to say "hi" or "any homework?" and "bye". Seemed total awkward, but at least we tried to fix the broken friendship and, it worked. 
After that, thought that this friendship will be "until death separate us" or "no matter what happen we'll be friends forever".

I was wrong.

 She was easy to find, too easy to leave and possible to forget.

One year after, we moved to different cities. At the same time. I moved to J and she moved to M. I find new friends, so does she. 
 Two years later, we met. We lost the connection. 
Every two years, we met again, except last year. I realize, now we're only "say hi" friends. 

Yesterday, I said how are you on Facebook. She answered, fine. 

Ok, I'm fine too. 



Senin, 22 April 2013

Jason Mraz - I won't give up

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jasonmraz/iwontgiveup.html

There is always something.
No matter how difficult it will be.
Yes, I can't give up, not now. 
still too early,

by the way, what kind of problem that makes you suddenly thinking about giving up??
There is no problem, which has no solution.

Life without problems is not a real life.
Like Kelly C.'s song, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

love
Rindang