This week is terrific. I feel so angry. There are a lot of anger, disappointment, sadness, and I'm hopeless. I can't breath well due to too much negative energy inside. My heart and mind full of something bad. I can't think clearly. I can't focus on my final thesis. I suppose to finish the book for my data this weekend, but until now even the first chapter haven't started yet. Everything's messed up. I'm getting older than my real age. Too much eating and sleepless. Sometimes I do hate myself for being grumpy for every whole day. Emotionally, I'm dead.
And all this bad things are caused by my sister and my mom. I'm not trying to blame someone for this bad feeling, but, Ok, let's say they made it worse.
A week ago I told my mom that I have a job, not the new one. I teach german in St. John's school. I teach three classes every friday. I can earn enough for my daily needs. I thought that was a good news and wanted to share it with my mom. When I told her, she asked me to sent some of my salary. Actually I had no problem with that, if only she keeps that until I get the salary!!! Of course I'll share my money with her, but maybe not now because I still need that to pay this and this. She ruined my mood.
Just a few seconds after that, I heard bad news (for me) from my sister. She's gonna marry next Februar!!! How come?? She just graduated last year and this month is just her third month working in hospital. Even her salary can't pay her own needs yet. We still have three younger brother and sister, who will need more money for their education. And our dad is a jerk. It's two months already, since I fought with him and until now we don't talk to each other. Actually our relationship is not good since January and it's getting worse and worse. For now, I hate him. So, considering about this reasons how dare she decided to get married next year?? Where does she put her brain?? In her knee. Yeah, must be there. So selfish.
To make it worse, she never even see her soon-to-be-husband. NEVER. She knew him from a friend and they're having all that fucking love story only by phone!! And facebook, of course. Shit!! How can she do that?? I did try a few times to explain the situation. I'm sure now she's totally blind due to their fucking love.
Let's jump to the worst part. I told mom. Lucky you, my sister! Mom has no problem with that. GREAT. I was speechless (until now). I was starting to ask myself, who's the craziest one here? was it me?? Was I thinking irrationally?
I have no idea.
So now, since we can't understand each other, I live in silent. I don't talk to my sister and mom. I need time. I am such a really good artist, since I can hide all my broken, full of pain heart. For the first time, I feel so faraway from my own family. And I don't really like it. Seriously.
Good story, huh?
