#FINALTHESIS
After 2-3 months full of struggle, finally at January 8th I passed the final thesis trial. Suddenly all the tears, sleeplessness, exhaustion, etc were fade away. they were so worth it. I extended one semester more to write final thesis. That was the best decision I ever made. I got good score and more important, I experienced something that I never felt before. Got stomachache and headache everytime I saw my lecture. Sleepless almost every night. Being haunted by the deadline. Kept focused on one thing where ever I go and whatever I do. When I felt tired, I watched movie or ate something or read a book but (sadly) I couldn't enjoy them because my mind was sticking to the final thesis. Met new people, who generously helped me by answering my questions, recommending books or giving some supports. Spent a loooot of time in library. Before that, I can count my presence in library for 4 years with only ten fingers (playing, gossiping, meeting friends, sleeping, and some academically unimportant things didn't include). I enjoyed working in the corner. that was so cool. Studied in the library is the second thing that makes me feel cool. Now I understand why Emma Watson miss studying at library.
Anyway, finally I passed the last exam. My curiosity has been satisfied. Now I know how it feels to do the finalthesis. Mission is accomplished. The graduation will be held at February 8th at Balairung UI. Can't wait to be there.
#TEARS
It's 2014. At the new year eve I promised myself no more tears this year. At least not at much at 2013. I cried a lot. But, unfortunately this month I've cried 2 times already.
The first was at my sister's wedding. There was a big fight between me and her before the wedding. Mostly, because I was not ready to let her married. I still wanted to have some times with her. We never been together for a quite long since she's in junior high school because she studied in another (to make it easier, I'll say 'town'). She stayed with us only at weekend. When she was senior high school she even moved further. She's back only when long holidays, like christmas or mid years's holiday. When she was in second grade, she moved and studied at the nearest school with our home. But I was not there anymore. I've moved to Depok. So, we never spent much time together together together. I don't know how many boyfriends she had or I'll say, I don't know a lot of (personal) things about her. We don't have "sister's secrets" etc. We have different way of thinking. Sometimes when we argue it would be ended with fight. We don't understand each other. Especially me. It's hard for me to understand her life's choice. For example, her decision to get married. We didn't talked since she decided that (until the wedding day). For me, that was too soon. I gave thousand reasons to stop her. That wasn't working.
Due to anger and disappointment I wanted not to come to her wedding. But, my mom and dad, they asked me to be there. I could never say 'no' to them, especially for some important things. So, I was there. I attended the wedding. I was fine, I smiled and laughed. But at the end of wedding ceremony in church, I looked at her, standing next to her husband. She looked happy. Then I realized, I was too selfish. She is my sister. Yes, she is. But she is also an individual. She has rights to decide and to do what she wants. She is a free woman. And me, as her sister, can't do nothing except to say what's in my mind and give her some other view. But at the end, that's her life. That's her choice.
So at the end of ceremony, that thought kept spinning around my head. Suddenly, my tears poured and I couldn't stop it. I cried a lot during the photo sessions. I felt so embarrassed. I flashed back to our childhood, the short time we spent together, the fight, and other things. I couldn't stop my tears. I love her. I hope the joy and happiness will always be with her and her new family.
The second times I cried was at last sunday. My bestfriend's mom just passed away. Since I couldn't attend the funeral, so with some friends we went to her house and prayed for her mom. During the Qoran reading, I hold her hand. She cried. And that made me cry too. My biggest mistake was when I asked her where her father was. And she answered, that he already passed away.
I am a failed friend!!
But I'm working on to be better one.
#LOVESTORY
When I was in Medan. There were two men, who said they liked me and asked me to be their girlfriend. I said no to both of them. There were a lot of reasons. But the first and also most important was my radar said no. Just that.
Two weeks ago I saw this man. He was waiting for the bus. There was an umbrella in his hand and his mom was standing next to him. I know this man, so we talked a little bit. I said hi to his mom. He looked quite different, in a good way.
The next day I did this stupid things. I checked my whats app contacts and there's him. Last seen was last years. December, maybe. (SLEEPY). I typed that silly sentences. And I didn't even know what I was doing. My expectations was he would not check his wa. So, everything I said would not be read. But, unfortunately ........ (I'll not say it).
So, that's all for today. Au revoir!!
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