short "like" story

Few months ago I met a man (but due to his baby face maybe you'll think that he's still a boy) on someone's farewell party. Cute, good looking, and smart are my first impressions about him. Although he didn't talked a lot but he's quite friendly. I liked him at the first sight. Definitely.

We talked. I liked the conversation, just basic things about me and him, mostly about him. hehe

He drove me home. "Nice to meet you" were his last words because from that night until now I never talked to him anymore (directly).

I tried a few times to reach him from social network. I remember, after I close the door, directly turned on my computer and searched his name. I didn't know his full name, so it's a little bit difficult. Fortunately, I found his name tagged on a friend's picture. After long discussion and got advise I decided to add him as a friend on facebook and also sent him a message: "Hi, it's me. Hopefully we can be good friends". After that everything walked slowly. I asked, he answered. Just it. I felt bored then chose to stop. But still, I stalked him on that site, I even googled his name!!

I came to one conclusion. He's nice. But to every people, not just to me. And that's the fact about him. Special feeling for me? no, there's not. Do I still like him? yes, still. Just see when this feeling will fade away. Just like, no more.

A friend said,"You met him is not just coincidence, just try to get closer and see what will happen."

I said, "Yes, it's not just coincidence. I've tried and stopped. Waiting what will happen then."

 

saya

Dulu saya masih "saya". 

puluh ribuan siang dan malam terlewati

ratusan orang saya jumpai

beberapa singgah di hati, walau hanya sesaat, namun menciptakan cerita

manusia, buku, film, gambar, lagu, musik, ...

mereka mulai mengubah "saya"

Saya ingin bertahan dan tetap menjadi "saya".

namun, saya tidak cukup kuat

ingin menjadi seperti yang mereka inginkan atau

diam-diam saya memang ingin meninggalkan ke"saya"annya

dan "saya"pun berubah

saya menjadi "aku"

Aku dan ke"aku"annya

"saya" sudah hilang

Aku semakin merasa hebat dan kuat dan angkuh

Aku bisa hidup dan bertahan tanpa "saya"

Aku lari dan terbang tanpa arah.

dan,

sekarang aku menjadi "gue"

Gue, bodoh karena merasa pintar

dan lelah tanpa sebab.

Sekilas "saya" melintas di balik jendela kaca

mengingatkan apalah "aku" atau "gue" tanpa adanya "saya"

Gue ingin kembali

ke masa gue masih seorang "saya"

Bukan ke fisiknya, melainkan ke prinsip ke"saya"annya

Susah ternyata..

memang iya.

tapi gue harus mencoba karena gue tidak perlu mencari-cari lagi

"saya" tidak dimana-mana melainkan dalam "gue"

hanya perlu menggali lebih dalam.

saat "gue" telah kembali ke "saya"

maka tidak ada yang perlu ditakuti.

jangan manja

Jadi, ceritanya begini...

Sudah sebulanan ini kakak gue bekerja di sebuah rumah sakit. Jarak rumah sakit dan rumah tidak terlalu jauh, harga naik ojek sekitar Rp.6000,-. Jadwal kerja dia terbagi menjadi tiga shift, 07.00-14.00, 14.00-21.00 dan 21.00-07.00. Berkaitan dengan uang, daripada buang-buang uang untuk bayar ojek lebih baik gue atau sepupu gue aja yang jemput. Gue sih iya-iya aja. Lumayan, hemat uang dan gue juga ada waktu. Lebih baik digunakan untk menolong kakak daripada ga ngapa-ngapai kan???

Awalnya semua baik-baik saja. Tidak ada masalah (karena sepupu gue masih libur sekolah, jadi dia yg lebih banyak jemput. PANTESAN!!!) Masalah baru muncul akhir-akhir ini. Dia mengirim SMS biar gue jemput. Oke, gue segera meluncur dong. Gue tinggalin semua kerjaan karena gue pikir dia mungkin lelah dan kalau masih harus nunggu gue. Wuih, bisa keluar api dari telinga karena kesel.

Akan tetapi, yang terjadi justru sebaliknya. GUE YANG NUNGGUIN DIA!! 15 menit bahkan lebih. Gue kesal dong ya. Sial, gue usahain cepat, dia bukannya nungguin di depan rumah sakit gitu. Pas gue tanyain dia cuma bilang,"Ngapain nungguin di luar, dilihatin orang. malu!" Gue kesal banget. Dia lanjutin,"Kalau ga mau jemput bilang aja. Gue bisa naik ojek". Fixed, gue marah!
Tapi gue cuma bilang,"jangan manja".

jangan manja!!!

bernad, he's my brother.

So, this story is about my brother. 

Today, he just passed all the selection phases to become an army. Tomorrow he will move to Padang and will study there for, I don't know for how long.

It's not easy. I may say, It's really difficult!! I saw how hard he tried, from one test to another test. There were a lot of tests. He failed 3 times. 3 TIMES!!! I remember at the time, after 3 times failures, he started to give up. Almost gave up. He cried when mom asked him to try for the last. I mean, the fourth. He said, "I don't want it anymore. I am so tired of the fucking tests. I want to do something else. I will wait a few months to enter university. I wanna go to college. No more army things!!"

Mom didn't give up. She said,  after this last one, all is up to him. He could do everything he wanted to do. Mom would just agree *with terms and conditions*.

So, he tried it. For mom, of course. And today he did it. His motivation was only mom. But I know, as the time goes by, in his deepest hard, he truly want this and he will do best to finish this.

Good luck!!!

love

old friend

So, 
suddenly miss this old friend. 
She was a very close friend since elementary school 'til junior high school. I told her everything. Well, not every, every thing, but most of the things, yes I told her.
I remember when I slept at her room and we talked a lot. From school to boys. Friends to enemies. A to Z. 
Of course we also had a fight. Big fight. The first and the last. Caused by a small things but ended with no talked to each other for almost 6 months. SIX MONTHS??? Friendship's over??

No, not yet!!

As the time goes by, we started to say "hi" or "any homework?" and "bye". Seemed total awkward, but at least we tried to fix the broken friendship and, it worked. 
After that, thought that this friendship will be "until death separate us" or "no matter what happen we'll be friends forever".

I was wrong.

 She was easy to find, too easy to leave and possible to forget.

One year after, we moved to different cities. At the same time. I moved to J and she moved to M. I find new friends, so does she. 
 Two years later, we met. We lost the connection. 
Every two years, we met again, except last year. I realize, now we're only "say hi" friends. 

Yesterday, I said how are you on Facebook. She answered, fine. 

Ok, I'm fine too. 

Jason Mraz - I won't give up

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.
Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jasonmraz/iwontgiveup.html

There is always something.

No matter how difficult it will be.

Yes, I can't give up, not now. 

still too early,

by the way, what kind of problem that makes you suddenly thinking about giving up??

There is no problem, which has no solution.

Life without problems is not a real life.

Like Kelly C.'s song, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

love

Rindang

another chat

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hi, m 29

You: f 21

Stranger: hi, m 29

Stranger: how are you?

Stranger: hello?

You: i'm fine

You: how's there?

Stranger: im fine too :-)

Stranger: im robert from germany

You: wow, i'm rindang from indonesia

You: still studying majoring german studies

You: :)

Stranger: ohh nice!

Stranger: are u in jakarta?

You: you know jakarta? cool!

You: not in jakarta but in city near it

Stranger: yes but just i heared about! never was in indo!

Stranger: coser to bali, surabaya

You: not too close, far actually

You: you know, our president is visiting German now

Stranger: wow cool!!

You: in which city do you live?

Stranger: i live in southern germany, near munich

You: great

Stranger: 2 hrs with car then im in the alps!

You: wow, always wanna visit Germany

Stranger: and i dream of bali :-)

You: take some photos in front of Brandenburger tor

You: then come, not expensive to be here

You: You'll like bali

Stranger: yes, but the flight is expensive :-)

Stranger: i bet! i heared so much about it!

Stranger: and i see, with english i can good communicate!

You: r u still studying? the movie 'eat pray love' also took some scenes in bali

Stranger: cool!

Stranger: no im driver, delivery bread and cake for bakery

You: i fly to germany is far more expensive than you come to bali

Stranger: yes that is :-)

You: you must eat delicious cake everyday. haha

Stranger: but not too much, because it makes me fat.. lol

You: save some money to go to bali :)

Stranger: yes i will

Stranger: maybe in 2 or 3 yrs

You: let me know if you come to bali, if i have time i can be your guide

You: but you must pay. lol *just kidding

Stranger: ohhh u so kind!

Stranger: i pay with kisses... jk :-o

You: no, i have enough kisses here. my family is a big one

Stranger: lol

Stranger: u must have many uncles and aunties

You: yeah, how about you? any brother or sister?

Stranger: a sis

Stranger: how much siblings u have?

You: i have four. big family, right? also more than 20 cousins

Stranger: cool!

Stranger: my sis have 4 kids

You: wow, i heard that in germany 4 kids actually too many, am i right?

You: so you have 4 niece/nephew? cool,

Stranger: yup

Stranger: most have 2 kids

Stranger: yes i have 2/2 niece, nephew

You: you? you have any kid?

Stranger: nope

Stranger: my sis made mine 2 too.. lol

Stranger: our statistic is ok now :-)

Stranger: lol

You: haha, she is a very nice sister

Stranger: aup :-)

Stranger: yup

Stranger: its really ver kind from her.. lol

Stranger: very*

You: yeah, she makes you an uncle

You: be good uncle robert

Stranger: :-))

Stranger: i will!!

Stranger: i bet you are great aunty and cousin too, rindang!

You: aunty? not yet.

You: but cousin, totally. i'm the best

Stranger: ohh i was wrong :-)

You: it's okay

Stranger: your siblings younger?

You: one older, 3 younger

Stranger: i see!

You: i wanna tell you something

Stranger: they not too young for making babies.. lol

Stranger: ok tell me!

You: you are the second germany, who chat with me on this web.

You: you're a good chatting-mate you know.

You: not talk something dirty

Stranger: ohh thank you :-)

You: yes, ur welcome

Stranger: now u made me red cheecks :-D

You: haha, i'm telling you the truth

Stranger: i enjoy chat with u too!

You: i'm new in this omegle.

You: just knew this site from one friend last week

Stranger: i found it from google...

Stranger: its interesting to meet stranger!

You: cool

You: how long have you chatted here?

Stranger: oh about 6 month

You: so, how many friends have you got?

You: from this web

Stranger: ohh not much.. after chat we leave always i meet new.. lol

Stranger: i think 2 or 3

Stranger: but i chat with hundred.. lol

You: so you spend a lot of time to chat?

You: when do you work??

You: haha *jk

Stranger: every 2 days

Stranger: for 1 or 2 hrs

Stranger: the rest of time.. lol

Stranger: smtimes ladies gets horny too.. lol

You: so? what do you do to handle them?

Stranger: oh i can enjoy too :-)

You: i don't like that things

Stranger: its okay! i respect tht!!

You: uncomfortable for me

Stranger: i always say: everybody how it want!

Stranger: always should feel good, then its fine!

You: from which country mostly talk about that?

Stranger: USA

You: not India?

Stranger: seldom

Stranger: india more gays tried

Stranger: but with tht i feel uncomfortable too

Stranger: i am straight!

You: i see,

You: haha

You: hoe about Indonesia? have you ever chat with some indonesian before?

You: *how

Stranger: india is not so good for girls!! girls are not much worth so they think

Stranger: yup! with 2... are cousins

Stranger: one from tuban if u know

Stranger: and one from malang

You: yes, agree with you

Stranger: both close to srby

You: i know, i know.. good places

Stranger: tuban is more hot... mostly over 30°C

You: yes, but malang is not

You: when someday you go to malang, you have to eat apple malang

Stranger: yesterday i was read tht girls get killed if they come first...

Stranger: apple malang?

Stranger: i will remember :-)

You: come first to where?

Stranger: born first

You: it's an apple. but, because it comes from malang so we call it apple malang. haha

You: the colour is green. and inside is white. and very sweet

Stranger: mmmhhh ige water in my mouth now... :-D

Stranger: i get*

You: what time now there?

Stranger: 10am

Stranger: hello u here?

You: yes, i thought you're typing

You: so i wait

Stranger: oh lol

Stranger: ok

Stranger: are u muslim?

You: not, i'm chatolic. why?

Stranger: oh :-)

Stranger: my other friend are muslim

Stranger: most indo are

You: yes, mostly indo are muslim. we (catolics) are part of minority

Stranger: i think so!

You: how about you?

Stranger: but the believe dont mind me :-) we all believe of one god!

Stranger: catholic too

You: do you go to church?

Stranger: sometimes :-)

Stranger: not often

Stranger: you?

You: sometimes, but mostly yes. with family

Stranger: every sunday?

You: yes.

You: the churches in Germany are beautiful, right?

You: the architecture and the design

You: i wanna see it one day

Stranger: i think so :-)

Stranger: yes and the castles u must see too!!

You: noted

Stranger: ask google about "neuschwanstein"

You: yes, we learned that in class

You: gothic style, etc

Stranger: and u seems much ionterested :-)

You: yes, curious actually

You: always wanna see the world outside my window

You: wanna prove everything i've heard

Stranger: oh so u will much trips in ur future!

You: yes, i wanna be a tour guide or translator

Stranger: cool!!

You: i wanna go. what a really nice chat with you

Stranger: good luck in ur life!!

You: yes, thank you. same with you