The most dramatic drama is you

this story will be awarded as the most dramatic drama I ever had in my entire life, I guess.

This is started when last month an old friend, who called himself as my bestfriend, from JHS came to Jakarta. we'd like to see each other then we arranged a meeting. So, an appointment at 4 pm was made.
Unfortunately I was late. an hour late.
me: why? 
other me: because I took the wrong bus.
me: how old am I?
other me: 23 y.o.
me: How long have I been in (near) Jakarta?
other me: almost 10 years.
me: But still don't recognize the bus, the route, etc?
other me: Nope, they are all confusing.
me: I am done with you.
other me: Thanks.

OK, STOP IT.

.... He said, he still had another plans. He had to go somewhere to see his other friends or family, I don't know and don't care. So, since I came late we should postpone the meeting schedule to the next day. I said yes, "that's Ok. Tomorrow I'm free so it will be perfect."

But then, something always happen. His mom asked him to go to another city, to visit their family. so, eventually I couldn't see him at all.

I was so sorry. I apologized to him and myself because I felt guilty since the main reason we couldn't see each other is me.

Time flies. syalala ~~~

until last week, I met his friend. Also a really old friend of mine. So. I told him everything and the truth was revealed. The old friend, who called himself as my bestfriend, didn't go to Cengkareng or anywhere. Instead, they're hang out TOGETHER 30 minutes after the appointment was cancelled. I was fooled.

" When you said you wanted to go to Cengkareng, you didn't, right?" message sent.
message received "I want to"
"yeah, you want, but you didn't" message sent
message received "yes, I didn't go there"

just it, no sorry at all. 

He didn't say any word about that. At least this old friend must inform me that he didn't go to Cengkareng or anywhere else. I mean, if he told me, I won't felt guilty anymore.

So last night I sent him a message, "don't you think you owe me an apologize?"
This morning, he answered, no. He really thinks he didn't do anything wrong.

And this drama just popped out.
"I don't know rin. I think everything has changed since you asked ( about Cengkareng things). Because, I am sure in your mind I am nothing but liar. I don't feel the same about this (best)friendship anymore.  I thought we already know each other, but I was wrong. There are a huge gap between us. Just forget everything. You're on your own"

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??

 I was like, WOW, such a drama queen. I laughed and laughed.  I was speechless, actually. This is toooooooo faaaaarrrrrr. So, after message by message, I came to this conclusion, " this is ridiculous. the most dramatic drama in my entire life. Well I'll see you when I see you" message sent.

 

Naik kereta api tut, tut, tuuuuuutttttttttt

Pertama, terima kasih karena dengan adanya kereta perjalanan dari dan ke kantor bisa lebih cepat dan lebih hemat. Kalau naik bis mungkin saya akan berangkat pagi sampai kantor malam (kapan kerjanya?). Kalo nyetir mobil atau sepeda motor agak beresiko sih, karena belum punya SIM dan  kendaraannya.Maunya kalo harus naik kendaraan pribadi sekalian helikopter aja.


Pas kuliah, gue pernah bilang gak mau kerja di daerah Jakarta karena jauh dan jauh. Eh malah dapatnya di daerah Jakarta Pusat dong. Pas gue cek, oh ternyata dilewati jalur kereta, Baiklah. Bagus. Bisa hemat waktu dan uang. I am ready to work!

Seminggu berlalu.
CAPE BANGET MEN!!

Naik kereta UI/Pocin-Karet dan sebaliknya pas hari kerja adalah nightmare comes true. Apalagi yang ke arah Karet itu keretanya jarang. Gila banget. Seminggu kemarin rasanya gue antara sadar dan tidak sadar. Kacau. Kadang sampai rumah langsung tidur. Tanpa makan dan mandi. hihi.. Paginya berangkat. Mikirin entar bisa masuk kereta gak ya. Telat gak ya. Para wanitanya sekuat kemarin gak ya. dll.

Senior gue pas di kampus sering banget men-tweet tentang perkeretaapian, sebelumnya gue cuek-cuek aja sih, Tapi pas gue baca lagi setelah pengalaman seminggu kemarin. Ya ampun, benar loh. hahah. Jadi ketawa gitu. Apalagi cara dia bercerita kocak banget. Sambil ngakak, dalam hati gue iya-iyain aja.
Ini contoh tweet dia (@inge_august), yang tanpa ragu segera gue amin-i. *nyarinya repot loh. tweet lama*

Mar 4

Kl gerakan yg bisa dilakukan hny berkedip dan detakan jantung, terdengar org merintih 'Allah hu akbar', itu jenis penuh kereta budak.

Mar 4

Nah, kalau udh susah mainin hape, berdempetan sama org, lantai kereta udh ga keliatan, tapi masih bisa buat ngegaruk muka, itu penuh biasa.

Mar 4

Kalau masih bisa lihat lantai kereta, masih bisa mainin hape, masih sempet mikir ntar mau makan siang apa, berarti kereta kosong.

*Eh, gue belum ijin ke kakaknya. Nanti dimarahin gak ya? Semoga enggak*

OKE.
Jadi dari tiga jenis penuh versi kak inge di atas, gue di jenis penuh kereta budak. SETIAP HARI. #tepuktangan
Bayangkan!!!

Nah, selama seminggu kemarin gue mempelajari beberapa hal. Naik kereta pas hari kerja itu penuh perjuangan. Pas mau naik saja harus sikut kanan sikut kiri. Harus kuat. Harus tahan banting. Fisik dan mental. Berhasil masuk kereta bukan berarti gue bisa leha-leha. Gue harus siap dengan berbagai macam posisi. Harus lentur. Ibarat pucuk pohon tertiup angin. Hanya saja angin di kereta itu tergantung pada tarikan rem Bapak-bapak masinis. Kalo dia nariknya tiba-tiba, yaa harus sigap. Cari pegangan atau tahan keseimbangan. Kalo dia nariknya pelan-pelan yaa kita juga olengnya pelan-pelan. slow motion gitu lah. Lama-lama jadi diagonal aja. Diagonalnya bisa ke samping atau ke depan. Kalo ke belakang belum penah sih. Seminggu ini gue gak pernah dapat tempat duduk (jangankan duduk, berhasil masuk aja udah syukur). Jadi, gue sudah mulai bisa beradaptasi dengan posisi-posisi diagonal. Sejauh ini yang paling ekstrem sih posisi itu.

Berhubung gue berdiri melulu, jadi harus tau juga posisi berdiri yang oke. Kalo berdirinya pas di depan kursi itu agak bagus karena kalo didorong dari belakang bisa pegangan ke dinding kereta. Kalo di tengah, harus bisa seimbang karena repot mau pegangan sama apa. Saran kepada wanita-wanita yang gak kedapatan kursi: KUNCIR RAMBUT/ POTONG PENDEK. Ganggu banget loh kalo ada rambut terbang-terbang persis di depan muka gue. Rasanya pengen gue potong sendiri sih. Itu kalo posisi di belakang. Kalo ditukar nih. Jadi, ceritanya gue di depan dan di belakang gue ada mba-mba. Tolonglah NAFASNYA DIKENDALIKAN. kalo gak, PAKE MASKER MBA! Agak geli aja sih ada angin-angin dari mulut siapa gitu bertiup pas di leher belakang atau di rambut gue. Nah, tuh nafas kan gak 100% wangi dan bersih seperti udara di kebun teh kan ya, jadi begitulah. Geli-geli jijik.

Gue seringnya naik kereta di gerbong khusus wanita, tapi kalo masuknya susah, gue masuk gerbong campuran juga. Kadang tuh sesama wanita sering lebih kasar daripada yang cowok-cowok. Mereka mainannya sikut. Kalo cowo, gak usah pake sikut, didorong aja kadang gue udah tersingkir. lemah banget. biarin. masih pemula. OKE. Meskipun pas di dalam tetap aja sih lebih gak enak di gerbong campuran. Kalo sesama cewe gue masih berani dorong-dorongan, kuatlah. Tapi, kalo sama cowo susah. Belum lagi kalo harus berdesak-desakan. Aduuh ampun-ampunan deh. Kalo di gerbong wanita, pas berdesak-desakan bisa aja muka sama muka ketemu. Habis itu buang muka, eaaaa. Hhahaha. Kalo di gerbong campuran, jarang sih. Soalnya mereka tinggi-tinggi (lebih tinggi dari gue) jadi gak sampai muka. Paling leher.

Baiklah.


Rencananya gue pengen ikutan yoga deh. Untuk melatih keseimbangan. kelenturan dan ketenangan jiwa/pikiran. Duiilaahh. hahahah

I'll not work forever so for now I'll deal with this and this. Enjoy every little things and focus on the good things. Ex. How are the passenger's expression. See that there are so many people inside the train but no one has the same face with the other. Every one is unique. How are their faces when they're happy, excited, sad, shocked, plain, sleepy, bored, tired, etc. Although the train is full some people still can make a joke based on it. They can laugh and enjoy the circumstance. While the other spend their times with complaining. I am a human, of course I complain too but just found out complaining in a fun way is way much better. Make it fun and laugh at it. 

loveeeeee

Define love!

"So what's love actually?"

 

It's started from this. Definition of love. Can you describe what love is? Is it food? bestfriend? boy/girlfriend? family? pet? adventures? flowers? chocolate? romantic song? 

what is love!!

 

Is it the same love when I say I love my mom or I love Richard Gere or I loved my ex boyfriend. thank you tenses. I love my mom. I loved my ex. see?

I say, Love is life.

I still alive because I love my life. I love me. If not, I'll suicide. or I won't eat and won't sleep.

OR

Maybe I still alive because of love. From every one who loves me. The universe loves me. God loves me. How do I know? because sometimes some things are better than I expected. How if it worse? Then, too much dreams. 

How about people who doesn't have family. I mean alone. How they life? Because their own love is enough for themselves. Decision to die means you don't love yourself. If you don't, then who will?

Who will love you if you don't even care about your life?

Bad behavior?? change!! no? it means you don't love yourself.

 

 LOVE LIFE.

 

TOMORROW IS VALENTINE. happy valentine everyone!! spread the love, enjoy the chocolates (forget diet)!!

 

Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Blog

I will not talk generally, I will only talk about me. My feelings, my behavior, my decisions and also my answers about about ... social media. 

Once I read a tweet on twitter, "Keep favorite'ing like possessive girl/boyfriend" It makes sense, because by favorite'ing I keep the informations just for myself. It will be different if I retweet, I will get not only the infos but also share them with someone else.  But, one thing I always consider before pressing the RT button is do I really understand what will I retweet? If I'm not sure, the star button is the best choice. Postponing until I get that.

I don't have a lot of followers. I join twitterland since 2009, by now only have 212 followers. My following? *let me check* 374 accounts. See the gap? does it matter for me? at the beginning, yes. idk, I just didn't feel right when the number of followers are more than the following. But then, I realize something. it's started from a simple question: "Why do I follow a particular account?" The answer is also the answer for my previous question. I follow someone because I think their tweets are unique, funny, entertaining and enriching my knowledge. one more, to keep in touch. How about to stalk someone? hmm. I am not good stalker. I ever stalked the wrong person -_-. For stalking things just let uncle google do his job.
So, just like that. I keep on following due to the function. Useful? follow. Useless? leave it or think this, the unfollow button is created for purpose. 

Facebook. some friends already left facebook. Me? not yet. I live far from my family. So, this is the media, where me and my sisters/brothers can communicate through commenting the photos or status, posting some old photos/stories/jokes, sharing informations or even gossiping :p
The feels are different with text message or even pone call. 

I found my old friends on facebook. I have group, where it's members are from the same village. Sometimes we talk about the past, memories and memories. Sharing them makes me feel I'm home.
we post photos or update status to let each other know, we are okay where ever we are or what ever we do.

Instagram. same function. to memorize the memories. through pictures. Playing with colors and shapes. capture the moment and save it in one 1 x 1 photo.

Blog. same function. to memorize the memories. through words. Here I can talk more. sometimes i share the link on facebook or twitter, maybe someone will learn something. Now I'm trying to write in english. keep on learning.

ich bin schläfrig. Vielleicht werde ich morgen auf Deutsch etwas schreiben. Ich habe gerade absolvieren und es gibt keine Gelegenheit, Deutsch aktiv zu üben. Es ist der Hauptgrund, warum ich die Arbeit in Lazada nicht nehmen möchte. Ich habe keine Zeit oder Chance, mein Deutsch zu trainieren. Vielleicht werde ich das vergessen. Ich möchte nicht. Aaa, jetzt liebe ich Deutsch mehr.

Jetzt ist die richtige Zeit für livemocha.com

See you. Auf wiedersehen. Au revoir.

Waiting? no, no. Promise? yes, say it to yourself.

I have warned you!!
I said,

Never wait until your later becomes never

Now, you just proved  it. yeay! Congratulations!!

I am glad, you experienced it by your self, so my words not ended up as just a great quotes of the day.

You just lost the opportunity to do expedition in Maluku, because you said to yourself, "OK, I'll check that later. The requirements etc. I'll do it later. later. later and later. Until you checked it today but unfortunately it's too late. Today is the deadline, baby girl.

So, please. Learn. I understand that you are different. You don't do the right thing, only because they ask you to do so. But because you know, that's the right things to do. You know it. You really do.
Today you know that keep waiting will not make you going forward. So, once again, I am asking you to learn and to change. 

You are confused. I understand. But don't make it stops you.  Do everything, even just a little thing that crossed your mind while taking pee. Just do it. Same case with the final thesis. You finished that, because you don't want to regret it in the future, and will keep asking yourself, why I did not do it??

This is the same situation. You are curious about that job or that movies or that book, so apply it, watch it, read it. Fail or success,  good or bad, useless or useful (although I believe that all of that will be useful tomorrow or tomorrow again). But, at least, there will be no regrets. Satisfy you curiosities!!! All of it. Don't wait, Don't say later!


Promise me, you will not do the same stupid things again.
Promise me, you will never say later.
Promise me, you will do everything you wanna do.

No, no, do not promise me. 

BUT PROMISE YOURSELF, YOUNG LADY!!!

January

January still has 11 days to go, but I get so many things to write so, I will not wait 'til the end of this month (I planned to write at least one for every month) to share capture some of my stories.

#FINALTHESIS
After 2-3 months full of struggle, finally at January 8th I passed the final thesis trial.  Suddenly all the tears, sleeplessness, exhaustion, etc were fade away. they were so worth it. I extended one semester more to write final thesis. That was the best decision I ever made. I got good score and more important, I experienced something that I never felt before. Got stomachache and headache everytime I saw my lecture. Sleepless almost every night. Being haunted by the deadline. Kept focused on one thing where ever I go and whatever I do. When I felt tired, I watched movie or ate something or read a book but (sadly) I couldn't enjoy them because my mind was sticking to the final thesis.  Met new people, who generously helped me by answering my questions, recommending books or giving some supports. Spent a loooot of time in library. Before that, I can count my presence in library for 4 years with only ten fingers (playing, gossiping, meeting friends, sleeping, and some academically unimportant things didn't include). I enjoyed working in the corner. that was so cool. Studied in the library is the second thing that makes me feel cool. Now I understand why Emma Watson miss studying at library. 

Anyway, finally I passed the last exam. My curiosity has been satisfied. Now I know how it feels to do the finalthesis. Mission is accomplished.  The graduation will be held at February 8th at Balairung UI. Can't wait to be there.


#TEARS
It's 2014. At the new year eve I promised myself no more tears this year. At least not at much at 2013. I cried a lot. But, unfortunately this month I've cried 2 times already.
The first was at my sister's wedding. There was a big fight between me and her before the wedding. Mostly, because I was not ready to let her married. I still wanted to have some times with her. We never been together for a quite long since she's in junior high school because she studied in another (to make it easier, I'll say 'town'). She stayed with us only at weekend. When she was senior high school she even moved further. She's back only when long holidays, like christmas or mid years's holiday. When she was in second grade, she moved and studied at the nearest school with our home. But I was not there anymore. I've moved to Depok. So, we never spent much time together together together. I don't know how many boyfriends she had or I'll say, I don't know a lot of (personal) things about her. We don't have "sister's secrets" etc. We have different way of thinking. Sometimes when we argue it would be ended with fight. We don't understand each other. Especially me. It's hard for me to understand her life's choice. For example, her decision to get married. We didn't talked since she decided that (until the wedding day). For me, that was too soon. I gave thousand reasons to stop her. That wasn't working. 

Due to anger and disappointment I wanted not to come to her wedding. But, my mom and dad, they asked me to be there. I could never say 'no' to them, especially for some important things. So, I was there. I attended the wedding. I was fine, I smiled and laughed. But at the end of wedding ceremony in church, I looked at her, standing next to her husband. She looked happy. Then I realized, I was too selfish. She is my sister. Yes, she is. But she is also an individual. She has rights to decide and to do what she wants. She is a free woman. And me, as her sister, can't do nothing except to say what's in my mind and give her some other view. But at the end, that's her life. That's her choice.

So at the end of ceremony, that thought kept spinning around my head. Suddenly,  my tears poured and I couldn't stop it. I cried a lot during the photo sessions. I felt so embarrassed. I flashed back to our childhood, the short time we spent together, the fight, and other things. I couldn't stop my tears. I love her. I hope the joy and happiness will always be with her and her new family.

The second times I cried was at last sunday. My bestfriend's mom just passed away. Since I couldn't attend the funeral, so  with some friends we went to her house and prayed for her mom. During the Qoran reading, I hold her hand. She cried. And that made me cry too. My biggest mistake was when I asked her where her father was. And she answered, that he already passed away. 
I am a failed friend!!
But I'm working on to be better one.

#LOVESTORY
When I was in Medan. There were two men, who said they liked me and asked me to be their girlfriend. I said no to both of them. There were a lot of reasons. But the first and also most important was my radar said no. Just that. 

Two weeks ago I saw this man. He was waiting for the bus. There was an umbrella in his hand and his mom was standing next to him. I know this man, so we talked a little bit. I said hi to his mom. He looked quite different, in a good way.

The next day I did this stupid things. I checked my whats app contacts and there's him. Last seen was last years. December, maybe. (SLEEPY). I typed that silly sentences. And I didn't even know what I was doing. My expectations was he would not check his wa. So, everything I said would not be read. But, unfortunately ........ (I'll not say it).

So, that's all for today. Au revoir!!

again, in love?

OK.

NO, MUST BE NO.

*exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale.

OK.

what was that?
what did you do, young lady?

It's a NO. big NO.

*exhale, inhale, exhale, slowly...

it's just temporary 
just wait until this november ends
and then see, is that 'f' still there or already fade away?

Now, go back to the ms. word.

Kann ich jetzt  nach Bali fliegen?

oh, stop it! it's a clue. 

yeah, a clue so in the future I can figure out what is this about. 

*caused by 'kepo' I spent minutes on this.